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 Life changes disrupted my workout routine. Need inspiration to reclaim my life again
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Steves_Girl

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Life changes disrupted my workout routine. Need inspiration to reclaim my life again - Saturday, January 14, 2012 1:47 PM
Hello, new here. My story- not looking for pity but you can't really help unless you know where I come from. 42YO female, 145lbs, 5'7. Two years ago, I separated from my husband of 18 yrs and began a new life with my 12YO son. For 10 years, til that point in time, I had worked out for at least an hour 5 evenings per week. I followed The Firm's older videos and I can say they gave me fantastic results. The other results I gleaned from being in great shape were the ability to cope with stress, mood swings and anxieties as well as the fact that I was never sick! ...and looked darn good.I have always relied on exercise to help me feel in control of things. Now, I have moved to a smaller,older house with slightly unstable floors and not a whole lot of room. I lost my huge finished basement and the space to spread out all of my fitness paraphernalia (free weights, step, stability balls, bands, videos, etc.) I am now single, and no longer have another adult in the house to assist with the rigors of daily living such as cleaning, meal prep, laundry, errands, etc.By the time I work a full day, pick up my son, prepare supper, clean up dishes etc. it is soooooo hard for me to find inspiration to pick up a DVD and do a workout. I have so much stress in my life because of the rotten economy (money issues) and a less-than-desirable work environment. I don't know how I ever did it before, fitness was a major part of my life and I thrived on working out. My priorities have changed so much, not because I wanted them to. My health just takes a backseat to everything else. Now, I'm 20 lbs heavier than I was 2 years ago, and depressed frequently. I have a new man in my life but he works hours away from home for most of the month and the weekends my son goes with his father, I am alone and depressed again. Ex-husband chased my friends away during our marriage and I can't go out anywhere to make new ones.I feel guilty because I have all this workout stuff but I just can't want to use it as much as before. But I know I need to. I decided to enlist at this forum as a last attempt at finding some sort of support system. I don't have anywhere else to turn and I know I need to make changes but I don't know where to start. I've gone squishy. My clothes are starting to fit like crap and I just can't seem to shake depression although I do eat mostly healthy and cook from scratch to avoid processed food and harmful food additives.Where do I start? Please inspire me... what can I do to get my old routine back?
tcruell

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Re:Life changes disrupted my workout routine. Need inspiration to reclaim my life again - Saturday, January 14, 2012 3:56 PM
Hi Steves Girl,

Just so you know... this is not a last attempt/resort for you... although yes, I hear you... it feels like one.  I just want you to know that if this doesn't work, something else may tomorrow, a week from tomorrow, a year from tomorrow or ten years from tomorrow.  But then again... it could be today.  Who knows?  What you do know is that you are wanting, in pain and in a bad place in your life.  That happens and in time will change.  How much time?  Who knows?  Just keep holding on.  Do what you can, when you can.   You may not be in the right mindset to tackle all the difficulties life is throwing at you and that is okay.  Hold on.  Do what you can, when you can. 

For me, I had to "finally" agree to exercise every morning, first thing in the morning... like a job that was not negotiable.  I went in kicking and screaming and thinking it was impossible... but I committed to it, like my life depended on it (which in reality it did) and said I would do it no matter what for 30 days.  The miracle was that I felt like a different person by just a few days in and I knew if I kept it up, my life was going to unfold for the better in ways I could only dream about.  I made that committment on Nov 25...  just afer Thanksgivng and completed my 30 days on Christmas morning.  It was the greatest gift I've given myself in years.  I don't look very different (yet) but I feel different in every way.  More alive... happier.  And I never would have believed it possible just a few months ago. 

And just so you know... I have been battling wieght issues for 20+ years.  But this time it was right.  Is this the right time for you?  Who knows?  Just hold on and do what you can, when you can.
"Everyday in everyway, I get better and better." Emile Coue

Tammie
Vantreesta

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Re:Life changes disrupted my workout routine. Need inspiration to reclaim my life again - Saturday, January 14, 2012 4:30 PM
Steve's Girl, I am concerned for you regarding the depression.  Have you talked with your doctor about it?  Sometimes lifestyle can keep it under control, but sometimes medication is needed.  Please see your doctor to consider whether this is something you need.

I'm glad you've come to the forum.  There are some very inspiring people here, and they are so encouraging.  It isn't easy to change your life, and many of us have made the commitment but kind of have to keep restarting, so to speak.  One day at a time.  If you don't make your goals today, you have tomorrow to start over.  Not to say you should just wait for tomorrow, but don't beat yourself up if today isn't a good one.  I hope this bad time will turn for you soon.
 
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."
Slinks

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Re:Life changes disrupted my workout routine. Need inspiration to reclaim my life again - Saturday, January 14, 2012 4:38 PM
Well, Tammie that was lovely !!  :-)

Steves Girl - just you writing that means that you are ready, as Tammie pointed out it may be tomorrow but why wait, don't put off what can be done today, take a look at your room, can you move stuff around, maybe brighten it up, perhaps it is too dull to get you motivated .. get out your dvds and look thru them, dust them off and find a place for them, there must be a spot for them .. as for your bigger equipment, you'll just have to not use them for now, there has to be a place where you can put your weights - bands don't take up much space, if not, do you have cardio only workouts, not all workouts need huge amounts of space .. maybe you need a new workout, just one, one that will help lead you down the road you wish to travel .. as much as we love our children and LOVE to do things for them, trust me I know, my kids are 18 DD and DS almost 20 and his GF live here, I also have my MIL too  :-)  oh not to mention my DH !! I envy that you only have your DS, you mention he is 12, I would ask him to start helping around the house thus freeing up some of your time .. point is we all need ME time, it's time for you to find that mojo again ..

:-)  hey and welcome both of you !!
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Slinks

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Re:Life changes disrupted my workout routine. Need inspiration to reclaim my life again - Saturday, January 14, 2012 4:42 PM
Vannie posted same time I did and she certainly had a few good pointers too .. all of us start again and again and again  :-)  lol .. life has a habit of getting in the way !!
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Steves_Girl

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Re:Life changes disrupted my workout routine. Need inspiration to reclaim my life again - Saturday, January 14, 2012 5:56 PM
Tammie, thank you for your advice. I used to have my life so *together*. I just don't know what happened. I didn't adapt well to the change of moving out and ending my marriage. It had to be, though. I get so overwhelmed sometimes I just dont know where to start. I think it's that helpless feeling that keeps me from finding my center again.It's hard being a single mom. Everything is so different now. Today, after I made my post here and had another good cry- I dug out a Firm DVD and did 30 minutes. It felt good but I also felt guilty because of the floors that needed scrubbed and the dust that needed wiped up. Why do I have such a difficult time allowing myself some personal time?? Every day I think, tonite I will take just half an hour to work out. And every night, it never seems to happen for one reason or another. But I will try to do as you said, what I can- when I can. I guess I need to start looking at things in small chunks of time rather than a whole day?
Vantreesta

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Re:Life changes disrupted my workout routine. Need inspiration to reclaim my life again - Saturday, January 14, 2012 6:05 PM
Yay, you did half an hour!  You've started.  And yes, I think looking at smaller chunks of time as opposed to a whole day, will help to make things seem more doable.
 
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."
Steves_Girl

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Re:Life changes disrupted my workout routine. Need inspiration to reclaim my life again - Saturday, January 14, 2012 6:08 PM
Vantreesta,It has been so difficult for the last 2 yrs. The new boss at my job sucks- she is horrible, I barely earn enough money to support myself and my son, I've been searching for a new job for a year now with no luck, I don't like being separated from my new man, and I don't like not being able to deal with all this crap at one time.I know exercising is the answer and I get so tired of failing day after day when I don't have half an hour to myself. And I *do* beat myself up for not being able to manage my life! I know it's not a good thing to do. I confided in my midwife (still friends after 12 years - she delivered my son) and she seems to think there may be hormonal things at play too- I am 42. It is my preference to not take pharmaceuticals because I am very particular to avoid chemicals and processed items in my food and skin care. I managed before by only exercising and it worked great but it just seems everything is working against me to prevent me from coping. I need a new outlook on things- which is why I posted here. I was reading through the forum and everyone seems to be so kind and helpful to each other. I just feel as if I can't kickstart myself this time, that it will get worse. But I did manage to work out for 30 minutes today and I do feel good about that! I don't know what tomorrow will bring but I hope I can do it again.
MathTeacher

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Re:Life changes disrupted my workout routine. Need inspiration to reclaim my life again - Saturday, January 14, 2012 6:17 PM
When my son's father and I split up DS was 9 years old.  I was strong and fit even though the ex told me I was fat.  He made me feel like no one would ever love me and I would be alone for the rest of my life. 

I let him win for a few years.  I gained weight and stayed at home all the time.  One day it occurred to me that I was letting that loser win.

I moved to the other side of the state, re-married and bought a house.  I lost a lot of weight.  Then I gained it all back.  Then I lost weight and gained it all back.  Then I lost some weight and gained it all back.  Finally I got serious.

I drew my line in the sand.  I told DH and DS I am going to exercise every night at 8 o'clock.  They have been very supportive.  And they know starting at 8 pm they get to watch, eat and do whatever they want for at least 30 minutes.  (in the beginning it was just 10 minutes) It has been beneficial for everyone.  

I will never reach my orginal goal weight, but that's okay.  I feel better.  I look better.  I'm healthier.  I own WAY too many exercise DVDs.  And I have made amazing friends from all over the world.          

It's tough, but you can do it.  We'll be here to cheer you on, dust you off, make you laugh (a lot), make you cry, wipe your tears and celebrate with you.
Slinks

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Re:Life changes disrupted my workout routine. Need inspiration to reclaim my life again - Saturday, January 14, 2012 6:19 PM
I double Vannie's YAY !!  :-)
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Steves_Girl

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Re:Life changes disrupted my workout routine. Need inspiration to reclaim my life again - Saturday, January 14, 2012 6:21 PM
Slinks,It sounds as if you have your hands full! But at least you'll never be alone. Funny, you want more time alone and I HATE being alone LOL.Here's another turn. My son has Aspergers and needs supervision. He gets into devilish mischief if I don't keep him busy. He will only handle household tasks if I am by his side. Washing a few plates after supper is a half-hour chore for him, and the sink area ends up drenched and soapy. Same for cleaning his room. If I'm not sitting in the room with him prompting him to stay on task, 3 hours will pass with him only having gotten sidetracked by something. Been there, done that so many times. We lost our home mobile therapist two yrs ago and nobody has staff willing to travel outside the city. We live in the country. How I WISH my son could function independently!I did do a 30-minute workout today. I have a lot of my workout stuff here in the living room but it is all lumped together in basically a pile in the corner. I have room to do a grapevine and a lunge but not much more. I cant do plyos here because of the unsteady farmhouse floor. The house is 150 years old, I am told. But be that as it may, somewhere in my 90+ DVD collection there has to be some workouts that are shorter and don't need a lot of space... I picked out 2 today. I have such a hard time accepting that it's OK to not have the housework done.. I was thinking about it after I read your post. Why do I think this way? I feel like such a letdown to my son because I don't have the money to take him out to eat, or take him on a mini vacation or buy him the latest cool gadget. I love him, but that's about all I have offer. His disability prevents him from communicating his emotions and somedays I would love to get a surprise hug from him and hear him say *I love you mom*. His dad is the *fun* parent, because he doesn't have to deal with the daily hassles over personal hygiene, clothing, homework, manners, etc.I am continuing my job search and I by any means am NOT giving up on getting my life back in order. I am going to try committing to three more workouts before this coming friday. I don't know how this is going to work out but I so totally want to find a way.
Steves_Girl

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Re:Life changes disrupted my workout routine. Need inspiration to reclaim my life again - Saturday, January 14, 2012 6:35 PM
Math Teacher - Good for you!!! I am so happy you were able to pull yourself together after all your struggles with weight. I was crying a little as I was reading your post... It struck a chord with me. Not really so much as my ex has anything to do with how my life seems like such a mess right now-- but that you said your ex was "winning"... I feel like everything working against me is "winning". I want to do what you did and get serious and beat what is dragging me down.I have no control over most things in my life- the job search (who knows how long it will take for something better to come along), my son's autism, this horrid economy, my boyfriend's job separating us, and so on... The only thing I CAN control is what I do with my time so I guess I have to do what you did and put my foot down- I have to allow myself to ignore the chores and my son for at least half an hour per night and make that my own time. Somehow it has to work. Most evenings when I come home I feel so worn out and stressed from having to deal with Super Boss all day... I am not really motivated to work out because of that but I feel like I'm giving my son the short end of the stick by taking time I should be spending with him away to spend on MYSELF... Guilt complex I guess?
Slinks

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Re:Life changes disrupted my workout routine. Need inspiration to reclaim my life again - Saturday, January 14, 2012 6:45 PM
I hear you ..

It IS okay to not do the housework, my way of thinking (I am lucky in the fact that my DH does the cooking) if the dishes and the washing are done, all is well .. the vac, sweeping, mopping and dusting does not have to be done everyday and a little secret between you and me, my bed gets made before I climb into it ..

Why are bosses the most horrifying people on earth ?? Horrible Bosses (the movie) anyone ? I seriously did not like it .. lol !!
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katie

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Re:Life changes disrupted my workout routine. Need inspiration to reclaim my life again - Saturday, January 14, 2012 6:54 PM
so many great and encouraging posts here...only want to add a few considerations...one of the things I love about today's dvd's are the chapters so if you're short on time, you can always do a mini workout by doing one or two chapters in a dvd instead of the whole thing.  I do this a lot in part because of some joint challenges and I am getting results and am feeling better without the "all or nothing" mentality.  Also, I see you are from PA, which is where I grew up...I do know that PA winters can be pretty dreary and maybe consider supplementing with vitamin d....I found I was quite deficient this past year(there is a blood test for it)and have been supplementing since then and have seen some nice changes in general well being and have learned it's importance in utilizing calcium and helping one's mood.  I'm glad you've joined us on the forum!   Best wishes,   katie
 ~A moment of patience in a moment of anger saves you a hundred moments of regret.~
Steves_Girl

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Re:Life changes disrupted my workout routine. Need inspiration to reclaim my life again - Saturday, January 14, 2012 7:20 PM
Slinks-That is funny about not making your bed until you get into it... I have a beautiful duvet cover with matching shams and 2 throw pillows. When my boyfriend is not home, I just pull up the duvet and that's as good as it gets. I don't want to be a bad example for my son because it's like pulling teeth to get him to make his bed in the morning. My house isn't cruddy or anything, but I am one of those people that can't stand clutter. I'm always trying to keep things put away and I think I seriously need to let that go for awhile... if I can.
megw

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Re:Life changes disrupted my workout routine. Need inspiration to reclaim my life again - Saturday, January 14, 2012 7:23 PM
There are so great 10 minute solution workouts.  I agree with Slinks - the house work can wait. You are what is important.
Steves_Girl

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Re:Life changes disrupted my workout routine. Need inspiration to reclaim my life again - Saturday, January 14, 2012 7:26 PM
Katie,Nice to meet someone else who is from PA. Thank you for the welcome and the advice on the vitamin D. I take a women's multi but maybe it's not high enough in D, I better check into that. I do supplement with cal/mag too. At this point in time I can only think about workouts that are a half hour or less- I do have a few that are from the QuickFix series, one is stability ball and the other is abs. They are 3 workouts of 10 mins each that you can combine as you want. I can see that I have a lot of baggage to learn to let go of. It is bogging me down and keeping me from working out and enjoying life like I used to. A major mental block that HAS to go!!! I want it gone. Like yesterday.
tcruell

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Re:Life changes disrupted my workout routine. Need inspiration to reclaim my life again - Saturday, January 14, 2012 7:55 PM
I think it's important to remember that in order to truly give to others, you have to have something to give.  In other words, your tank has to be full.  Giving from a depleted place feels empty to the giver and receiver.  Fill yourself up first and then you can authentically give in love and generosity.  This is especially true when you have a special needs child.  They take more time, patience and energy.  Taking care of yourself has to become a priority so that you can take care of your child.  The best gift you can give any child is a happy parent who loves them. 
Also, if things are at a point where meds are needed... it doesn't have to be forever.  Sometimes you just need help over the rough spots, until exercise endorphins kick in.  You may also consider an herbalist or someone who can recommend some homeopathic possibilities.  I know reps at whole foods can sometimes assist with that kind of thing.  You could even call them.   Don't just suffer through.
"Everyday in everyway, I get better and better." Emile Coue

Tammie
Vantreesta

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Re:Life changes disrupted my workout routine. Need inspiration to reclaim my life again - Saturday, January 14, 2012 8:25 PM
Very well said, Tammie.

Regarding meds, I was on antidepressants for a couple years and was able to get off them.  I take St. John's Wort now because even though I exercise it isn't enough.  But the point is, Tammie's right, it doesn't have to be long term.  People tell you to pull yourself up by your bootstraps, but it just isn't that simple.  Sometimes people need to accept that help, whether it's temporary or not.  I'm not saying your situation warrants it, as only you and your doctor can determine that.
 
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."
Alice Kathleen

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Re:Life changes disrupted my workout routine. Need inspiration to reclaim my life again - Sunday, January 15, 2012 8:50 AM
Good posts.   I too have been depressed, and went under a physician's care and medication for a few months.   I know what it feels like to have things fall apart, and how one can blame oneself.... "it must be my lack,  right?"  So I suggest starting with your physician.  Mine wrote me a note for a month off work, which really helped at the time.   
Allow yourself this time to "lean into the pain", as they say in my spiritual tradition.   I got my nose pierced,  cut off all my hair.  Looking back,  should have done even more!   
For the working out,  two workouts seem the best at calming, centering, and giving one more peace of mind .(in my opinion).  They are swimming and yoga.   There is nothing like doing your age in laps (that's always my goal), and the way you feel when you get out of the pool. No pools around?  Yoga will do.   Lifting weights is good, too, empowering, energizing.   
I know that words mean so little during this time.   But please indulge yourself just a bit.   Get a facial,  get a Siamese cat, take a short trip.  Mother Nature is a great healer, so get outdoors as much as you can into her beauty.   
Just know that a year from this date,  all will be different. Trust me on that.   AK
<message edited by Alice Kathleen on Sunday, January 15, 2012 8:52 AM>
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