We had friends over last night, a couple we've known for years, and one of her first comments to me was "how much more weight are you going to lose?" This is not the first such comment, none of which are particularly complimentary or supportive. They feel more like downers. I try to respond upbeat like "I'm losing fat, not weight", or "feeling strong, working out hard". I can almost feel a little defensiveness coming in and I despise that in myself. I have a right to want to look good, feel good, and work hard to achieve this.  I understand others may feel 'threatened' by this, but why do they not want the best for me?

Oh well, thanks for listening, and more importantly...BEING HERE FOR ME!!! I don't have much of a social life with my work schedule and living way out in the boonies (which I love...I have my furbabies, my DH, my garden, and my exercise room...) makes it difficult to cultivate friendships I don't have a lot of time for.  So I don't like WASTING my time with downers.

So, who wants another piece of TUXEDO BROWNIE TORTE with me?  :)  You guys are the greatest.

Sorry you are going through this. I have a story to tell you about my own experience with this. I will pm you, but am running out the door so I have to pm later! I really want to share my experience with you so you can see that you are not alone.

It sounds like you recognize that these comments reflect your friend and her own issues, and that they are really not about you. If anything, take pride in the fact that you are making progress and are working on being healthy and fit. Jealousy is not uncommon over progress with the body.. it sounds like your friend should join you in being fit and then she won't have to be jealous... just a thought.

I will pm you later! In the meantime, be glad for your goals and progress. You're doing great!

Thanks w.o.w.

It's one thing to understand with the head, another to feel comforted in the heart.  I needed that comfort and support.

You can definitely count on my moral support, AnnoD! I lost close to 200 pounds, and I heard WAY too many comments from "concerned" friends and relatives too!

Funny how even your near and dear folks will put you in a box -- "the fat friend" -- and when you climb out they feel threatened! It's THEM, of course, and not you. Of course, you already knew that!

Just smile and thank them for their "concern"; then change the subject. If you have to, repeat the same phrase over again -- "Thanks for your concern!" And a quick subject change -- "So how's your mama?" or whatever... They'll get it eventually.

I have lots to say on this, but this is enough for now. You are doing SO great, just know that and be proud!

Judy In the end the love you take is equal to the love you make.

Congratulations on your success!  I have to agree with Judy; sometimes people weird-out when you make visable improvements in yourself.  You have the right to be the best you can be. 
Congrats Judy too!

I'm back and I just pm'd you.

annoD -- I so agree with what the other gals have said.  As someone who lost a lot of weight myself, I know all about the comments.  "You're wasting away" being my all time favourite.  I was the fat friend too and rather than "waste away" I got to 130lbs (I am 5' 6"), a size 6 -- hardly emaciated!!!  But people still feel the need to "warn" me against losing more weight -- Hahaha!  Uh, not going to -- I am working out and watching what I eat to keep what I have worked so hard for.  I love Judy's answer -- Thanks for your concern, now can we change the subject.  Perfect.
By the way, I bet your friend couldn't do Body Max 2 like you did today!  You are a STRONG WOMAN in pursuit of positive goals, and better health and well being for you and your loved ones.  You have my total 100% support and encouragement!!!
Sam

You know, I used to wonder why people spent time on a computer in forums instead of living a 'real life'.  Now I know. 

Judy, I remember you talking about losing the 200 pounds and how threatened everyone around you was.  That is an awesome achievement; I'm keeping 20 pounds off.

Sam, I hear that 'wasting away' line also; my DH made the mistake of calling me 'frail' (bless his ignorant heart, he thought it was a compliment) Sorry to say, ladies, I set him straight a little harshly.  Also, other ugly comments meant to be jokes, I guess, were I could win the 'concentration camp' beauty contest.  Honestly, I'm 5'3", 124 +/- 2; that's hardly skinny (again, Sam I hear you!!)

Thanks, w.o.w. Hugs back to you.

anno I see that state that you live in is South Carolina....the "Obesity rates in South Carolina have doubled since 1990. Sixty five percent of adults in the state are obese or overweight, and more than one-third of our high school students are overweight or obese" This is a direct quote from South Carolina Department of Health and Environmental Control. Another quote " Washington, D.C., July 1, 2009 - South Carolina has the 5th highest rate of adult obesity in the nation, at 29.7 percent and the 13th highest of overweight youths (ages 10-17) at 33.7 percent, according to a new report by Trust for America's Health (TFAH) and the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation (RWJF). 

Actually you're in the minority...the healthy fit adult, don't let them get you down you have a lot to be proud of, you're bucking the state's obesity rate. Keep it up!!! Check out these two links, maybe you might want to show this to your
"Friends"

http://www.scdhec.gov/health/chcdp/obesity/
and
http://healthyamericans.org/reports/obesity2009/release.php?stateid=SC If you're not living on the edge....than you're taking up too much space !"-Jay Johnson from Bootcamp Fitness

lol, hear, hear ... exactly as the others say !!!

"How much more are you going to lose"  I heard this all through the first 16 months of my journey, to begin with "don't lose any more will you" .. "I'm worried about you"  this from people who are a little overweight and smokers themselves .. why on earth would you worry about some-one who eats healthy and doesn't smoke or drink ???????????? how insincere !!! D'oh "really" 

I got "are you still losing weight ?" the other day, from a couple of aquaintances, who work together, I had to explain that no, I'm not losing anymore weight, it's starting to point north instead of south and that I've actually gained 5kg in muscle, upon that I flexed my bicep and started up a whole new coversation "what are you doing" "what dvds" .. you get the picture !!  lolololololol  ..

annoD I can't tell you enough, to stand proud and don't let those comments get to you, eventually your "friends" will get used to your new look and won't think a thing of it  
:-)

oh and I wanted to say with all that shift work, you're doing great .. how many shift workers can be bothered to change the rest of their lives ??

:-)  get with it girl, life is too short to listen to mambo and not dance to it ..

:-)  congrats to Judy too ..

we all need congrats, we've all come along way ...

"big group hug"   :-)  cheers (a flute of water for me please)

Ohhhh, I want in on the Big Group Hug!!!! ((((((HUGS TO EVERYONE!)))))))

AnnoD, I am sorry about your friend's comments, but maybe if you tell her how much BETTER you're feeling, maybe then she would change her tune a little.

I'm with Sam, KUDOS on doing BM2!!! That's a HUGE accomplishment! (BTW, if any of you are on the fence about this workout, it's a MUST-HAVE!!) LOL, how's that for enablement?

I have "met" so many cool, wonderful friends from this forum---it's a fantastic community!! You cyber friends are awesome!!! :)

Sending you my (((hugs))) and I would love a piece of your torte, BTW!!  I love reading your posts in the Daily Check-in---you always do such cool combos of workouts!!

Take care, dear. :) ~~MRS~~ 

Slinks

annoD I can't tell you enough, to stand proud and don't letthose comments get to you, eventually your "friends" will get used toyour new look and won't think a thing of it  
:-) 

Very well said, Slinks.

I'm in the same place you're now, annoD. I'm at the point where people are noticing that I'm losing weight and my friends are aware of my sciatica problem and still have to take a lot of crap from them.

An example is one friend, she's 5' tall (literally) and has a very muscular type, so if she goes below 120 pounds, she looks emaciated. I have never, ever teased her about her weight, hey, she looks healthy and is strong! On the other hand I'm 5'3" and every single time we go out to dinner and I put my meds on the table (meds I absolutely NEED for pain) gets all judgemental and says "do you realize that amount of pills can't be healthy for you?" and then goes on and on about that what we ate for dinner is definitively make me win back some pounds, or that "maybe" I'm starting to act like a bulimic, and that I will not get strong just for "jumping around the TV with those lousy workouts I'm doing" and how I should try to go to a Powerplate gym, where she goes instead of training on the bike and how she felt stronger than ever.
EXCUUUUUSE ME!
Enough is enough!
But I didn't say anything. I just excused myself and left the restaurant.
I know she'll get used to my new self, otherwise, she can find another friend and forget about me.
Now, I'm glad I didn't say anything, you have a phrase in english: "karma is a b****" and my friend was supposed to go on a 250 mile bike ride (divided in 2 days), where you go from the mountains at 30,000 feet height to sea level and she felt miserable in a ride of less than 80 miles. She was depressed and thinking of dropping off the ride, but I just pad her back and told her that whatever she decided it was Ok. Her safety and health are first and if she only does half trip or half of that, it's an accomplishment. I'll be there to support her and give her a ride if she needs to.
Now I wonder where's all the strenght she gained from the powerplate and skip training for almost two weeks, but I don't judge her and know she'll come around, hopefully.

If your friends are a keeper, just give them a chance, if not, let 'em go where they belong... To set the example is not the main way to influence others; it is the only way. ~A. Einstein

MRS

I'm with Sam, KUDOS on doing BM2!!! That's a HUGE accomplishment! (BTW, if any of you are on the fence about this workout, it's a MUST-HAVE!!) LOL, how's that for enablement?

BAD, BAD MRS! You just enabled me for 3 Cathe's in 3 days in a row! THAT'S what I call a terrific enabler! To set the example is not the main way to influence others; it is the only way. ~A. Einstein

Gabytopo

MRS

I'm with Sam, KUDOS on doing BM2!!! That's a HUGE accomplishment! (BTW, if any of you are on the fence about this workout, it's a MUST-HAVE!!) LOL, how's that for enablement?

BAD, BAD MRS! You just enabled me for 3 Cathe's in 3 days in a row! THAT'S what I call a terrific enabler!

You know, I put that sentence in there specifically for your benefit, Gaby!! ~~MRS~~ 

lol Gaby ..

wondering if you've ever considered acupunture for your sciatica ?? I get BAD sciatica and lower back pain, acupunture helps so, so much .. it is not a cure but much like a pain relief except that you only need it like once every 6 weeks until eventually it hardly bothers you for months on end and when it pops up again you just go get acupunture and it goes away again .. beats all the drugs that can in fact do some damage in the long run .. acupunture does work !! I swear by it ..

sorry to high-jack annoD  :-)

Hi Slinks! Well, I take the meds and acupunture... I started with sessions daily, then 1 every other day, once a week, now I go when I need it, you know, I get out of there feeling like floating between cotton clouds . I've been doing this for a long time and I feel so much better! Acupunture does work :) but sadly, I still need my meds, those allow me to have a so much functional and normal life ;) Oh well, you definitively know how nice is to feel that nice and sharp pain :(

annoD, back to subject, KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!!!!
Now you're my inspiration and will try BM2 in a couple of months and will let you know when I can do the whole thing

MRS, yeah now you're my official enabler along with w.o.w. and Sam! To set the example is not the main way to influence others; it is the only way. ~A. Einstein

Annod-First of all I am willing to bet that torte is NO where near as big as the one me and my DD shared last night!! :)  We loved it then groaned all the way home.
Why is it that if someone weighted 200+ #'s and was seriously living a lifestyle that was unhealthy, none of the "friends" would step up and say something to them about that? But if someone is losing weight all of the sudden their "friends" are concerned about their health or that they are wasting away.  And why, are women, in general so darn concerned with competing with each other that they can't just be pleased that one of their friends has taken control of their life and their health and trying to do better for themselves?  I love sharing ideas, suggestions, and information with people about benefits of exercise, health, nutrition and general well being.  But the overall sizing up women do to each other just annoys me to no end. The true concept of friendship and what it is all about is lost.  Why aren't we looking into our "friends" hearts and souls and see the human being that they are; but instead we look at the outside and worry and judge based on appearences.  It is so shallow and in my opinion very very sad.

I am sorry that "friend" said that to you Annod and I agree, she is probably jealous or resentful of you.  I am sorry to say I would not consider her a true friend.  You do not need to feel defensive.  There are no actions for you to defend.  I would not personalize her comment.  It is not about you, it's about her.  You do not own the problem, she does and rather than face her own issues whatever they are she chose to put you down to build herself up.

MH

Why is it that if someone weighted 200+ #'s and was seriously living a lifestyle that was unhealthy, none of the "friends" would step up and say something to them about that? But if someone is losing weight all of the sudden their "friends" are concerned about their health or that they are wasting away. 

THAT IS SO TRUE MARY!!!!